Watch-brand names can be tricksters. Everything seems simple on the page, but in the mouth letters can be lost or added; entire syllables mashed together to make a singular barely resembles the symbols it comprises. No one likes to be corrected, especially in the process of purchasing something rather expensive, so here’s the BURO. guide to some of the more difficult horological monikers.
OH – as in “Oh wow, I’d love a Royal Oak Frosted” de mars – don’t pronounce the ‘s’. PEE Gay – all p’s no t.
BUL – just ignore the ridiculous Roman spelling conceit – garee.
Show – just like the Cannes red carpet – PARD
Zhee RAHRD – really roll the ‘r’ on that second syllable – PAIR uh go – like ‘ago’, but in a thick French accent.
Glass – pronounce like you’re from up North – HOO tur – ‘hooter but with a Scottish inflection’. Or-ig-in-AL - ‘original’, but with a Gaelic twist.
Er – in the manner of someone doing a dodgy impression of a French person – MES – in the same dodgy French accent.
U – like you’re singing the The Wiseguys classic Ooh La La – blow.
(dodgy French accent at the ready) Zhey ZHER – run the two into one another and say it like it’s a word of seduction like amour. Leh KOOLT – make sure you say the ‘t’, while also slightly swallowing it. Practise myriad times to perfect.
LAWN – adopt faint Bostonian accent – jean – change to French.
Pah TEK. fil EEP – channel Queen Liz calling to her husband to pronounce the second word properly.
Pee ah ZHAY – go full Zsa Zsa Gabor on that last syllable.
Tag – obviously. HOY – take the ‘a’ off Ahoy – ur.
You LEESE – a skirt around a Spanish accent would work here - nahr DAN.
VASH er ahn – go Welsh to prevent pronouncing the final syllable as “on”. Kon stan TAN – don’t lose that second ‘t’.
Why not test out your new-found linguistic skills by reading aloud from Alex Barter’s sartorial dash through the 20th century style evolution of watches?
One of the more voguish ways to learn about timepiece history.