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A BRUTALLY HONEST GUIDE TO MAKING THE BEST DATING APP PROFILE

Essential when your love life is governed by the likes of Tinder, Hinge and Bumble

30.09.2020

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Dating apps have existed for years. There have been weddings via Tinder, babies from Bumble – and heartbreak on all platforms. It was previously considered somewhat sordid to have met your partner on a dating app like Tinder, but things change and what once felt relatively racy is now a habitual part of the vernacular we use when we talk about modern relationships. Indeed, in this day and age you might even find that – unless you're particularly tenacious – it’s hard to meet potential love interests without the use of dating apps – and this is truer still during a pandemic.

Even if you’ve lasted this long never going on a dating app, a second lockdown could be the thing to finally tempt you. When meeting new people is relegated to a strictly online pursuit, dating apps are probably the most thrilling way to do just that. It’s likely that you’ll download something such as Hinge in jest, but sooner or later – alongside the existential crisis centred around what you’re doing there at all – you’ll want to make the best of it. As usual, we have a few ideas:

UPLOAD AT LEAST ONE GROUP PHOTO

Obviously your dating app profile is the motion picture You (starring you), but uploading at least one group photo clearly signals that you have a life outside it – and friends!

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BUT DON’T SOLELY UPLOAD GROUP PHOTOS

The problem with only uploading group photos, however, is that it can be difficult for onlookers to ascertain who you actually are out of the bevy of smiling beauties they see before them. Yes, friends are important, but really this is all about you.

THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING PROUD OF YOUR BODY

If you want to upload a picture where you look and – more importantly – feel sensationally sexy, do it. Detractors will claim that this sends out the wrong message if you’re seeking something serious, but the right – sex positive – person will regard you as a multidimensional being no matter what’s on your profile.

DON’T JUST UPLOAD SELFIES

We know it seems like we’re constantly contradicting ourselves here, but what we’re really striving for is balance. A dating app profile consisting of selfie after selfie after selfie is solipsism on anabolic steroids.

HAVE ONE PICTURE WHERE YOU LOOK AVERAGE

While we’re sure bad pictures of you are extremely rare, an average one is always a welcome addition if you want to appear both funny and self-aware – perfection, after all, is not relatable.

GO FOR TIMELESSNESS OVER THE ZEITGEIST

What everyone’s watching on Netflix at the time you make your profile is not a personality trait.

DON’T SAY ANYTHING BOASTFUL

Especially if it incorporates name-dropping.

FORGO SUNGLASSES

Unless you really shouldn’t be on one at all, a dating app is no place to be in disguise. Plus you sort of need to see someone’s eyes to fancy them, don’t you?

INCLUDE YOUR FRIENDS WHO ARE ALSO ON THE APP IN YOUR PICTURES

The world is even smaller on dating apps if you and your friends are all using the same one in the same area at the same time. Including them in your pictures could help to minimise any awkward crossover when you all happened to have matched with the same – usually quite limited – pool of desirables.

NEVER USE FILTERS

If your friend once got sun cream on their phone camera and then subsequently took the hottest pictures of you known to man, use them - but leave TAN & DUST on Instagram.

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