I got a new phone last week. Predictably, I'm on it a lot. And that's not because it's lilac with the ability to take selfies so incredibly unflattering that they become mesmerising. Even when I was using a phone broken to the point that the screen glass could be picked away like unwanted coriander, I was on it a lot. In truth, I'm addicted to my phone. Being suddenly apart from it would feel as dramatic as yanking out an IV drip. While this is all immensely problematic, I do actually just like being on my phone. Some of the most mutually uninhibited and transformative conversations of my life have been over text. When I'm not using it as a vessel of emotional intensity, it is also endlessly entertaining in a myriad of other ways. The eBay app! Using Layout to illustrate a pressing romantic issue! The whole internet! Seeing how many steps I've done that day (11)! Poring over screenshots from 2018! I love it all. Now please leave me alone to stare at my phone in peace.