The online showcase for Paris couture week ended yesterday. With coronavirus still at large, what was always alluringly inaccessible now seems completely at odds with the world. However, there’s no better respite from negative news than gazing upon beautiful and expensive things. Although most members of the Chambre syndicale de la haute couture (the French regulating body that determines which fashion houses are eligible to be haute couture houses) veer towards escapism, Viktor & Rolf tend to do things a bit differently. This is the house, after all, whose spring 2019 couture collection embraced meme culture. As their contemporaries run from reality, Viktor & Rolf always confront - and beautify - it. Their latest collection (entitled “Change”) was inspired by the gamut of emotions associated with lockdown. Alongside a decidedly morose chemise and a gown emblazoned with every mood of emoji was a pink coat that “guarantees you will remain in your own safe zone while venturing out into the world” - a coat for social-distancing, in other words
But what do you wear for optimum social-distancing when you can’t afford couture? We’re here to help:
Accidental eye contact can be disastrous for social-distancing. This is why sunglasses are now on a par with masks when it comes to combating coronavirus - just choose a pair that’s as understated as possible so superspreaders are less likely to bound up to you asking where they’re from.
Nothing says ‘stern’ - and therefore ‘unapproachable’ - like grey suiting.
Aposematism is the advertising by an animal to potential predators that it is dangerous to eat or attack. In a similar fashion, we suggest wearing a red Sies Marjan top and skirt to indicate that you are not worth approaching on any basis. Swap either piece for something less aposematic when social-distancing measurements decrease.
Should the public perception of you be very negative, this will work wonderfully.
You’ll get a lot of compliments wearing this, but the spikes will ensure the fans keep AT LEAST a two metre distance when addressing you.
Aposematism and spikes? A real winner.