I never have much liked a thong. I used to think they were intrinsic to adolescence and womanhood, but that was before I’d experienced a period, or had had a synthetic string wedged up my jacksy, encumbering the simplest of tasks. Walking included.
Sound familiar? You don’t need me to tell you that life is not a lingerie shoot, and that the women arranged alluringly on chaise longues in thongs, or worse, g-strings, probably don't enjoy them either. I am not Sticking It To The Man here, just stating that sado-masochist-inspired underwear isn’t practical or comfy. Big pants over netted knickers any day, and I'm not alone: fashion platform Lyst reports a 59% increase in searches for “granny pants” from January to September. I could say big pants are back, except they never really went away. Peek-a-boo cutouts and floral appliqué are nevertheless, losing their lure, because while sexy underwear and ‘granny underwear’ have one thing in common in that they make you feel like you’re wearing nothing, one is tortuous, while the other is blissful. And consider this, that while big pants aren't the most conventional provocative purchase, they can be amorous too, in the same way that a man’s shirt once was – before it became wrought with cliché.
My non-negotiables? Low-maintenance, low-drama, cotton. High-waisted, though a hoiked-to-the-hip Kylie Jenner cut that threatens my modesty is not welcome. And despite the fact that 2021 will, like its predecessor, belong to leggings, I’m not actually VPL-averse. That is after all, what got us onto, or should I say into, thongs in the first place. When I’m feeling particularly WFH-y I want a pair that I can pull up to my belly button and tuck my vest into. If my ample-bottom bulges either side then so be it.