THE FAST FASHION PHOBE
Yes, you love Love Island, but you audibly tut at the various Miss Pap/ Boohoo/ I Saw It First adverts of flammable dresses and luminous two-pieces that it showcases throughout. You know the height of the slit up the front of that £16 dress is directly proportional to the number of disparaging glares from environmental enthusiasts it warrants. Even the great and the good of the British high street aren’t exempt from your boycotted brands list. It doesn’t matter what nebulous adjective – conscious, ethical – they stick in front of their devastatingly good new collections, or how commendable they actually are, you simply will not budge. And as a result, your budge-t is as high as that slit.
THE ONE-IN-ONE-OUT-ER
You endlessly despair about how much ‘stuff’ you have. You vow to operate your wardrobe like the door policy of a Mayfair club: one in, one out. Yes, there’s a clipboard and yes, the system is totally motivating because the sum of anything sold winds up in your PayPal account, where it becomes like, erm, free money. Right? And the beauty of using Vestiaire Collective concierge is that you don’t have to hang, photograph, describe or haggle, which leaves ample time for scrolling and spending on everyone else's accounts. You break only to take advantage of the Outnet’s 30% flash sale. Discount code: STOPKIDDINGYOURSELF30.
THE INVESTMENT-PIECE SHOPPER
You’ve vowed to change your shopping habits. You can fully justify spending £620 on the Gucci embellished cotton T-shirt because it’s literally the only T-shirt you will buy this week, *coughs*. This month? OK, you’re not so sure on the conscious shopping frequency criteria, but now you’re investing all your focus, infinite scrolling and bank account into the one piece of your dreams. It’ll last longer because the quality is better. It’ll put your other T-shirts to shame (in more ways than one). And it will forcibly dampen your high-street habit because it’ll use up your whole paycheck in one go.
