2020: if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry. Except now you’re probably laughing and crying at the same time because, against all odds, Christmas is not cancelled. Regretfully for anyone who wanted to pass the festive period as naked as the Christ Child himself, clothes are probably a good idea – some might even suggest constructing proper outfits for the occasion. We know this seems like a lot of legwork after months upon months spent essentially housebound in comfortable clothes, but it’ll be worth it – we promise.
Christmas dressing is easy when you break Christmas itself into three key activities: eating, partying and lounging. While there are those who’d seek to subject them to a game of Snog Marry Avoid, we think it’s best to be prepared for all eventualities – especially when their designated outfits can be so versatile.
So what to wear for Christmas?
Wearing an entirely black outfit to a Christmas meal might seem a bit untoward, but to us (absolute visionaries) it makes perfect sense. All black is what people who work in security tend to wear. We daresay that your average Christmas dinner requires just as much – if not more – coordination to ensure that everything goes smoothly. Black also hides a multitude of sins – like gravy, cranberry sauce and whatnot – better than any other colour ever could. Since no one wants to be tottering in heels after a mammoth session of boozy gluttony, we also recommend a stable shoe. And a nice ring to admire every single time you help yourself to yet another blini.
The fact that any partying you do will probably be conducted on Zoom presents a prime opportunity to wear something that might have otherwise made you feel vulnerable in public. Partying at home calls for home comforts, however. This is why we believe that whatever minuscule dress you choose should be paired with something comfortable – but luxurious – like cashmere tights. The fancy phone case is to cloak the one thing that’s got you through this year.
Your lounging outfit should be as random as this year has been! With a hint of consideration, perhaps. The ideal lounging outfit will transition into a walking outfit, with the addition of shoes and a coat. This will enable you to tell people you’re ‘just about to go for a walk’ whenever they query what you’ve been doing on the sofa for the last eight hours.