That time of year in which we attempt to find the best winter coat in existence is upon us – and with it, Cuffing Season. Cuffing Season is a phenomenon of contemporary companionship where we seek a semi-permanent mate for a winter of getting offended when they evidently CBA with you coming over and – if it’s of audible distance – running both taps before you go to the toilet. The predecessor of Cuffing Season is usually Hot Girl Summer - full of sun, sex with multiple partners, and suspicions you ignored because you were having too much fun having sex with multiple partners. This year, however, it may have been more of a Lukewarm Girl Summer – coronavirus is not a good wingman.
While you might normally spend Hot Girl Summer flitting between various bikinis, Cuffing Season – to which Coat Season is the sartorial equivalent – requires commitment to one and one coat only. This is exactly the emotional respite you need after the confusion of trans-seasonal dressing. After all, there's nothing worse than being betrayed by the weather forecast and left a shivering mess – especially when the overwhelming uncertainty of COVID-19 has made you needier than ever before.
At the risk of sounding like a bootleg Shirley Bassey, Coat season is basically the new and improved Cuffing Season because coats are forever – at least until next coat season. By this point, you would have been able to resell last year’s lover in contribution to whatever you have your eye on now. Annoyingly, you can’t do that with your human lovers. Never mind the risk of ending up a Cuffing Season casualty when your union doesn’t quite make it to Valentine’s Day and you’re left feeling rejected by someone who "isn’t even hot or funny."
Listen, we’re not insisting that love is dead and that participation in cuffing season is futile, but please start celebrating coat season: a Max Mara camel coat will never ghost you.