Watches + Jewellery

BRACELET AND RING PAIRINGS WITH AS MANY RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS AS YOU

Happy Valentine’s Day, we guess...

Heather Gwyther | 13.02.2020

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Valentine’s Day is upon us. Since it’s no longer fashionable to be single and upset about it, this is NBD really. But even the hardiest of us can succumb to loneliness and desperately long for someone sometimes - we’re human after all. As for those of us in relationships? They don’t ensure safe passage to happiness either. Take these bracelet and ring pairings, for example. They’re miserable! But, like some of us, they stay together because they look good together. And whether your hand is doing lackadaisical swipes or gesticulating in mutual condescension, they’ll look even better on you.

INTENTIONAL MISCOMMUNICATION

The issue here is one of communication. Sure, Maryam might seem incredibly transparent but the more time Annoushka - who’s as straightforward as they come - spends with her, the more Maryam seems in fact translucent. This friction is appealing to Maryam, who will resort to any tactic to make Annoushka realise how painfully idiosyncratic she is. In disdain of Maryam, Annoushka’s friends are constantly shoving initial rings in her direction. She feigns interest but secretly enjoys being the sane one in the relationship - a saviour complex, perhaps.

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FAILURE TO CONNECT 

Both visions in directional silver minimalism, these two should be perfect for each other. But somehow, in the subtlest of ways, they can’t seem to connect. A misunderstood meme here, a redundant move in bed there - flightier friends encourage them to cancel their subscription to each other. They don’t. A dearth of red flags categorises the relationship as ‘fine for now’, and so it rolls on.

SEX DRIVE 

Sex is very important to the Wedgwood ceramic nymph and gold signet ring. When her and her partner - an understated alpha sort (probably a Virgo) - do it, it’s wonderful. And then it ends. He turns away to sleep the sleep of the advantaged while she lays awake and supine. Any attempt to raise this is seen as both an attack (towards his masculinity) and a turn-off (on account of her enthusiasm). In more ways than one, she is frustrated.

MILITANT FEMINISM

Many men have been defeated by this bracelet’s overbearing Instagram persona. The ring isn’t exactly scared of memes about the faults of men, but a long discussion about the Rape Culture Pyramid may prove a bit too intense.

FAKING IT 

The golden couple! They are observed by outsiders with envy. In truth, this relationship is full of disrespect and infidelity.

NON-CONSENSUAL POLYAMORY 

The Woman in Red currently has three boyfriends. Why settle for the affections of one mediocre man when you can get validation aplenty from several? The fact she’s declined to tell them about each other borders on cruelty when you consider how content the trio would be talking about what festivals they are going to this summer and whatnot.

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