You tell me Greta Gerwig should’ve made the shortlist for Best Director, I tell you Scarlett Johansson should’ve had a rethink about those shoes with that dress, really Scarlett? Adam Driver missed out on Best Actor, but Charlize killed it in Dior. Once the speech resonance has settled and we’re back at our desks discussing the events, what do we care more about really, the gold statues or the garms? (Clue: it’s the garms.)
As such, the BURO. board of fashion directors have tallied the votes and are ready to announce our winners of the 92nd Academy Awardrobes.
We would like to thank our mothers, god and Oscars-watching sleep deprivation for this honour.
Florence Pugh in Louis Vuitton
Pugh was odds on favourite to take home the coveted best outfit award, because her consistently strong choices have been accumulative, much like the way the academy works. She’s just had a great awardrobe season, and this jewel green, cascading Vuitton dress clearly won the day.
Spike Lee in Gucci
Custom made Gucci in homage to the late Kobe Bryant, in signature purple, with Kobe’s number 24 embroidered on the lapel. Never a more fitting tribute - literally, figuratively, supportively and beautifully. Spike, we salute you.
Janelle Monae in Ralph Lauren
Janelle almost single-handedly brought the glamour where so many others played it safe. That’s not how you win awardrobes people! Renée? Are you listening? An out there flash-bulb worthy barnstormer. Hold the flashbulbs - the collective light-reflection from the crystal embellishment might burn a few retinas.
Kristen Wiig in Valentino Couture
Kristen's outfit is a character all by itself. Vibrant, spirited, cute and punchy, her red couture showstopper almost outshone her on-stage ‘audition’ with co-presenter Maya Rudolph. Almost. Give this dress (and its wearer) its own show already.
Natalie Portman in Dior
A true asset to The Gender Equality Academy and a vision on the red carpet. Timeless, elegant, with the name of every female director not nominated for best director award embroidered timelessly and elegantly along the seams of her cape. Respect. Squared.
Timothee Chalamet in Prada
Is that Prada? Or is that a fine iteration of a very chic Oscars security guard, casually blending in with the nominees? Or a particularly classy mechanic wandered in from a hard day's oil-changing? Or a member of the medical team on hand to heimlich maneuver some smoked salmon from the esophagus of an over-enthusiastic winner?
Margot Robbie in Chanel
Nothing to shout about really, but subtle intricacy is a skill that all the best winners hone. Her glam team have outdone themselves with the kind of ultimate hair and makeup we want to wear everyday. Or maybe that is just Margot's face. Either way, here take the damn gong.
Julia Butters in Christian Siriano
How much sartorial competition can a small ten year old bring to the red carpet you ask? An awful lot as it happens, she looked chic-cute in her buttoned-up Siriano ensemble. How much turkey sandwich can a ten year old bring to the red carpet, also? A back-up meal in a designer handbag scored the deciding vote, well done Julia.
Cynthia Erivo in Atellier Versace
Can’t. Stop. Looking. This epic outfit has so many scene-stealing attributes and high production value that it was an obvious winner in this category. Also, the seamless transition into epic gold floor-length, thigh split, vertiginous collar for her performance of Stand Up deserves its own mention.
Saoirse Ronan in Gucci
Yes. This is the same Gucci dress she wore to the Baftas, just a different, reimagined, reconstructed, wonderfully adapted version. And the awardrobe for best sustainability effort in fashion goes to...