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Your Christmas tree is having a party and everyone's invited


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For those who celebrate Christmas, decorating the tree is a special time. Despite lugging boxes up from cellars and down from attics – and rearranging the furniture twice – no-one can be grumpy when celebrating goodwill on earth. There will be canapés (well, small bites) and drinks like eggnog and mulled wine. And even though you have access to a world of festive music, you will instruct Alexa to play Now That’s What I Call Christmas. On the way to the garden centre, you’ll decide on your tree's height. You got a 5ft’er last year, but vowed to go bigger this year, so 6ft it is. And only the finest Douglas Fir will do. Less needle shedding apparently, but tell that to whoever’s boot it is that you'll blanket in needles (tsk if it’s your Uber XL driver).

When it comes to assigning roles, anyone with a modicum of sense knows to steer clear of the lights, because how – HOW – are they this tangled? Head straight for the baubles – the best bit! The most covetable collections comprise both exquisitely chic and objectively naff ones. There are always lots of foodstuffs, from oysters and brussel sprouts to blocks of butter (because in December, we do need a reminder to eat). There are also robots with mechanical arms and glittery bellies, telephone boxes, wooden skis and, of course, a Nutcracker. None of it really makes sense, but that’s fine. Think of it like a regional panto with an improbable cast of C-list celebs.

Whatever you do, don’t overthink it. Remember: themed trees with non-ironic tinsel, beads and colour coded baubles, belong in hotel lobbies. 

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