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YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE NOT TO LISTEN TO THIS ASTROLOGY PLAYLIST

From Beyoncé to Metronomy, there’s something for everyone - no matter what sign you are

Heather Gwyther | 26.03.2020

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Little feels normal at the moment. Anyone who can is WFH, publicly socialising with anyone outside your household could result in a fine and no one is chastising you for constantly being on your phone - it’s weird. While there’s currently no definitive indication on how long this will last, one thing is certain: we are all forging a new normal. Could yours feature a foray into astrology? Perhaps, if this playlist has anything to do with it. Happy Aries Season!

SCHOOLBOY Q

(FEAT. JHENE AIKO)

SEX DRIVE

Best for… Scorpios keen to honour the stereotype

Worst for… Capricorn, Aries, Taurus, Cancer, Leo, Libra

BEYONCE

(FEAT. MISSY ELLIOTT)

SIGNS

Best for… anyone who’s been hurt by a Pisces

Worst for… Capricorns, who barely get a mention

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PRINCESS NOKIA

GEMINI

Best for… a Gemini with depth

Worst for… those who don’t appreciate the wonder of Geminis

LIZZO

SOULMATE

Best for… anyone who used to love a Gemini

Worst for… a misunderstood Gemini

ELDERBROOK

THE 5TH DIMENSION

CAPRICORN

Best for… a Capricorn actually interested in astrology

Worst for… those who have lost romantic relationships to astrological incompatibility

THE 5TH DIMENSION

AQUARIUS 

Best for… those into the technical side of astrology

Worst for… people who want the Age of Aquarius to end

MIRANDA GLORY

MIKE WILL MADE-IT

(BIG SEAN, PHARRELL, QUAVO, RAE SREMMURD)

PISCES

Best for… a typical Pisces

Worst for… the friends Pisces never prioritises

MIKE WILL MADE-IT

(BIG SEAN, PHARRELL, QUAVO, RAE SREMMURD)

ARIES (YUGO), PT. 2

Best for… an Aries, we guess

Worst for… anyone who doubts that Aries deserve titular glory

VICTOR INTERNET

VIRGO

Best for… those who act like Virgos despite not being Virgos

Worst for… those who actually are Virgos

BANKS

GEMINI FEED

Best for… a wronged Gemini

Worst for… whatever star sign wronged them

JADU JADU

AOIFE NESSA FRANCES

VIRGO

Best for… Virgo couples

Worst for… anyone who’s not a Virgo couple

AOIFE NESSA FRANCES

LIBRA

Best for… those who have the Libra sun illuminate their eyes

Worst for… people who find Libras tiresome, and not in a let-me-write-a-song-about-it way

PHOEBE GREEN

JAY ROCK

(FEAT. JEREMIH)

SAGITTARIUS

Best for… anyone who promised themselves they’d never kiss a Sagittarius

Worst for… a Sagittarius who doesn’t want to be associated with bitten nails and skinny jeans

JAY ROCK

(FEAT. JEREMIH)

TAP OUT

Best for… Capricorn, Libra, Virgo

Worst for… all the rest

CHRIS ROCK

NO SEX

Best for… Scorpios, if their horoscope is anything to go by

Worst for… any star sign doubtful of their mortality

KATY PERRY

THIS IS HOW WE DO

Best for… those whose penchant for astrology is part of a rich and varied existence

Worst for… those who loathe talking about astrology

METRONOMY

I’M AQUARIUS

Best for… a warring Aquarius and Taurus couple

Worst for… anyone who never paid attention to their natal chart

DOJA CAT

JUICY

Best for… an untrustworthy Gemini with a nice bum

Worst for… those who have loved and lost untrustworthy Geminis with nice bums

DIANA ROSS & THE SUPREMES

SIMPLY RED

NO MATTER WHAT SIGN YOU ARE

Best for… all star signs

Worst for… anyone who regularly uses astrological incompatibility as a means of rejecting unworthy suitors

SIMPLY RED

STARS

Best for… anyone with no interest in astrology whatsoever

Worst for… those who like their astrological playlist to come with explicit references

Images | shutterstock

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