You regularly stalk his Instagram profile. Finding faults in him is harder than trying to decode the latest power struggle at Westminster. Your relationship is long distance (you don’t resent this. In fact, it’s better this way). Yes, he’s sometimes pictured snogging the face off another girl; but this is really minor in the grand scheme of your relationship.
We are talking, in case you hadn’t guessed yet, about the Internet Boyfriend. A sort of adult-teen crush if you will. Something that was in no short supply this year. We’ve ranked some of our favourites, from Timothée Chalamet to Adam Driver.
Who? Adam Driver
Why? Erratic, questionable levels of personal hygiene, hard to get hold of: Driver may have played the ultimate fuckboy (otherwise described as “The Original Man”) in Girls, but all is forgiven. He’s the unconventional leading man - not Brad Pitt handsome, but this doesn’t matter one iota. “Straight men don’t want Adam Driver to be hot because he is hot for reasons they could also be hot but aren’t because they’re lazy,” according to writer and sociologist Tressie McMillan Cottom. “He is interesting and has a personality. It’s easier to think hot is just genetic symmetry because that lets them off the hook.” Oh yeah, and he’s pretty much bagged the Best Actor Oscar for his heart-breaking performance in Marriage Story. Earth-shattering stuff.
Next up? He broke your heart in Marriage Story. Let him cheer you up in 2020, as a stand-up comic in musical Annette.
Who? Timothée Chalamet
Why? “I’ve been working a lot, so I haven’t been too self-aware,” was Chalamet’s all-too-humble response to a journalist who described him as the "internet’s boyfriend." Everything he does turns into Insta-gold: from PDA with his supermodel girlfriend (admittedly, this one stung a little), rapping about statistics to popularising the bowl cut (again). It’s hard to imagine a time in our lives before Chalamania.
Next up? Beg, borrow or steal a ticket to see him star in his West End debut, 4000 Miles, opening spring 2020 at the Old Vic.
Who? Dev Patel
Why? The classic nice guy. You can imagine he would text back immediately, always remember your birthday and ask you how your mum is doing (she’s fine, thanks). Maybe you’ve followed his coming of age on screen since Slumdog Millionaire, but it was really his role as a lovelorn CEO, opposite Catherine Keener, in Amazon's Modern Love, based on the New York Times column that reignited the flame. His hair alone in the episode deserves its own fan page.
Next up? Green Knight. A fantasy re-telling of the medieval story of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, starring opposite Alicia Vikander.
Who? Keanu Reeves
Why? 67 million. That’s how many hits you’ll get if you google Keanu Reeves. This is likely separated into three parts. 1. The 90s poster boy years. 2. ‘Wholesome’ memes (there’s a whole corner of the internet dedicated purely to proof that Reeves is the nicest guy in Hollywood) 3. Red carpet pictures of him holding hands with his new girlfriend, artist Alexandra Grant. The latter left us feeling both happy and heartbroken in equal measure.
Next up? The! Matrix! 4! Is! Happening!
Who? Oscar Issac
Why? Our adoration for the American actor has been unwavering since he starred as hero pilot Poe Dameron in the Star Wars franchise in 2015. Soulful, straight-edged (but not boring), a fan of Shakespeare: he’s really more of an Internet Husband. In real life, Isaac has already said ‘I Do’, to filmmaker Elvira Lind and they have a baby together. Regardless, our communal crush lives on.
Next up? Set aside a cinema date, Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker is released in theatres December 19.
Who? Harry Styles
Why? He doesn’t take himself too seriously, isn’t scared to embrace his feminine side, releases sexy-as-hell music videos and writes the best International Women’s Day cards ("Thank you to all the wonderful women of today, yesterday, and always"). Harry Styles is your long-term internet boyfriend. With an enviable archive of Gucci suits. So coveted they’ve been cryogenically frozen. Yes, you read that properly. “I can’t say where it is located, but everything goes to an archive,” says one of Styles’ designer’s, Harris Reed. “It’s basically like a giant refrigerator – a frozen vault – somewhere in London where I am not going to disclose.”
Next up? His funk-inspired album release, Fine Line, is dropping December 13.
Who? Joaquin Phoenix
Why? Perhaps a little rogue, but this guy has had us hooked since Gladiator. Something about his fascinating Hollywood family, those green eyes that see through to our soul to his mysterious on and off-screen persona. And his acting abilities, of course.
Next up? The Joker sequel, if the rumours are to be believed.