THIS WOMAN FROM HUMANS OF NEW YORK HAS THE BEST LIFE STORY EVER

With millions upon millions of followers on all the relevant platforms, you’ve probably come across a Humans of New York post in your Internet lifetime. Brandon Stanton’s portraits and accompanying interviews of random people can range from the depressing to the uplifting but, ultimately, they are some of the most compelling pieces of content on the internet.

None more so than its latest subject, a woman with a life story SO compelling that the Internet is demanding something be made of it. The whole thing is amazing, but...

here are our highlights

• The way she went from being 17, pregnant and imprisoned to getting a scholarship to attend any University in New York - she chose the Fashion Institute of Technology, which she hated.
• We are starry-eyed at the mere thought of this: “I had the best wardrobe: mink coats, five inch heels, stockings with seams up the back. I looked like a drag queen, honey.”
• The fact she “danced in so many mob clubs [she] learned Italian [when] black girls weren’t even allowed in some of these places.”

• “I had this magic trick where I’d put baby bottle tops on my nipples and squirt real milk, then I’d pull a cherry out of my G-string and feed it to the guy in the front row.” No further comment required.
• This revenge tactic: “I caught another dancer sneaking off to the Tate Hotel with our biggest tipper. Not allowed. So the next night we put a little itching powder in her G-string. Boy did she put on a show that night.”
• Her final pithy remark which is perhaps the best summary for sex work ever: “I guess she finally fucked the right one.”

But who actually is she? At the time of writing, the Internet has yet to make any discoveries (but they have speculated that the dancer in question was Anitra Ford). Maybe it’s better this way, legends are often better kept to murmurs rather than birth certificates and social security numbers.

We’re still pining for that Netflix series, though. Janelle Monaé would make a fantastic lead, don’t you think?

Images I Shutterstock