Never Have I Ever

LASER HAIR REMOVAL

Everything you need to know, and nothing you don't about the treatment touted to zap unwanted hair

31.03.2020 | Phoebe McDowell
 

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YOU GOT WHAT?

Laser Hair Removal. Don’t yawn just yet. I know you’ve heard a lot about laser, because your best friend, cousin and colleague have had it, but despite toying with the idea for a while, you still have not. Why not? If reasons include having blonde hair or back skin, they are in fact, moot. Lasers that seldom worked on skin that wasn't alabaster, and hair that wasn't jet black - or didn't work as well - have evolved, and this one is good for all. 

WHAT WAS THE PROCESS?

An initial consultation included a patch test (to check for any adverse reactions) and an exhaustive questionnaire at the Pulse Light Clinic’s Bank branch. I began my course of treatment the following week, on a paper covered plastic bed, wearing nothing but knickers and goggles. (No, really). It’s not glam but that’s fine. "OMG babe laser will change your life," my therapist tells me, before showing me body parts so smooth and shiny they resembled bowling balls. Her commitment and amity was faultless.

She adjusted the wavelength of the laser, as per the melanin in my hair (dark) and my skin (fair), then set about my body with what can best be described as a zapper on a hose. How does it work? The laser emits pulses of concentrated light which are absorbed by the melanin in the hair. Converted to heat, the energy destroys the follicle, which in turn inhibits growth. I palmed two paracetamol beforehand, which is just as well because the process felt as though a small but mighty match was being repeatedly struck against my skin. My bikini line was - momentarily - ablaze.

That said, I found it much more agreeable than waxing. Not least because it’s over in less than half the time, and that laser last years, in comparison to waxing’s pitiful weeks. The average session for legs is 20-30 minutes, underarms is five minutes, and bikini line is 10 minutes. For all, eight sessions are advised, six-eight weeks apart, to ensure hairs on each of your every cycle are caught. 

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AND THE RESULTS?

Even after the first session, usually - very - hairy areas were resplendent with skin. And skin that wasn’t rough, red or raised. There was marked, minimal regrowth, but even those hairs were shy and retiring. The list of things that are no more is quietly life changing: ingrown hairs; gaping, unsightly pores; razors; waxing; limbo growth stages; outfit obligations. Results increase exponentially after each appointment, and though I might need a top up session in a couple of years, that’s the extent of it. My only question is why the heck didn’t I do this sooner?

THE DAMAGE?

A single session starts from £200
Legs, underarms and bikini package, £1796 for 8 sessions

Book a consultation here

THE AT-HOME ALTERNATIVES

Pulse Light Clinic is closed as per government guidelines, so in the meantime, try the next best thing with one of these:

SmoothSkin bare+ ultrafast IPL hair removal device, £175

Use the glide mode to do exactly that over bigger areas like legs, or use the stamp mode for smaller areas where more precision is needed.

Philips Lumea BRI/923, £249.99

Slide and flash modes work the same as the aforementioned glide and stamp ones. For in between sessions, there’s also a handy trimmer, which can be used on facial hair too.

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