MEET THE NUTRITIONIST

Meet Scarlett, the Nutritionist. You probably already know her, or someone like her, at least

20.12.2019

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We’re a society obsessed with wellness, which let’s face it, can be exhausting. Just when you think you’re up to date, your friend/ colleague/ Instagram feed (delete as appropriate) proves you otherwise. In this, People Like Us - a snippet of social satire - we take on the diet, fitness, and wellness trends that are pedalled by, well, people like us.

Scarlett got her nutrition qualification online by way of a multiple-choice exam. It may sound flimsy, but in the happily imprecise world of wellness it stands up just fine, thank you for asking. She widens her eyes at her colleagues’ beige Leon lunches, offering unsolicited advice about nutritional wastelands, hidden calories and refined sugar. But it's not so much counsel as condemnation: “If we were supposed to eat meat, we’d have carnivorous teeth”. Sometimes she forgets her point, and teeters into environmentalism, which is paradoxical given that the cocaine she sometimes – OK, often – snorts, is part responsible for ravaging the rainforest. But seriously, “cows are the biggest source of C02 emissions outside of Beijing’s CBD!” It’s mostly fine though, because she drives a Tesla.

image by ADAM HALE

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