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Meet Ophelia the Quarantine Cliche. You probably already know her, or someone like her, at least.

12.05.2020 | Phoebe McDowell

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Ophelia is outraged by BoJo. Outraged, she tells you, sharing any social media post that castigates his blithering and botched handling of the situation. A few comprise technical graphs that she doesn’t understand but simply reposting them gives the impression that she does. She’s a micro activist, see. One who cannot believe how many people are cavorting on Broadway Market, queuing for Aperol. She takes a picture of them from the deli queue that she is standing in, and posts it to her Instagram story with the caption: "Pandemic, what pandemic?". “OMG Vampire’s Wife is doing PPE!!” she posts in the ‘Brighton Baes’ WhatsApp group, not entirely sure whether the floral face mask constitutes PPE. Precisely no-one replies. Her unfurloughed friends are a bit exasperated by her constant yearning for attention. If it's not a humouring message of congratulations from the Rosetta Stone app that she’s butchering Arabic on, it's a supposedly 'ironic' banana bread bake. Thank goodness she's kept her running routine to herself, save for the time she was nominated to do a 5k for the NHS, but instead, did 20.